A LETTER TO MY INNER CHILD

My dearest inner child, I am writing you this letter to remind you of how much love I have for you. You have been my bulwark of strength throughout my entire life. I never realized how much I have missed your laughter, your sunny disposition, the smile you bring to every situation whether negative or positive. 

I remember how you used to sing, sometimes deliberately off-key; you had the voice of a nightingale. I remember how you loved to play in the dirt. I watched you dance in the rain with outstretched arms in total abandonment as the water cascaded down your face.  I watched as you held your face up to the heavens and enjoyed the raindrops dancing on your face.  How I long for those days when we were carefree and in love with life. We laughed at everything – nothing was sacrosanct –there was life in everything around us and we could see the beauty, the love and the perfection in everything around us. Yes, I am doing the work to transform myself. And in my transformation, I find myself reminiscing a lot and yearning for those memorable and fun-filled days. But life happens for the reasons I did not yet know.

I am sorry for the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional pain, and abuse we both suffered. You retreated in your corner and I shut down–excluding you in the very moment that I needed you by my side. When I think of the horrors that we have been through and the daily pain that we endured and how we numbed ourselves in order to survive, I apologize with all my heart and soul. I am deeply sorry that I was not there to protect you. Please forgive me. Yet I am grateful for the journey and the lessons learned. While I thought I was alone during those times, I know now that I was not. I know now that you have been by my side, encouraging us to overcome.

While I thought we were separated due to suffering, I realize that the suffering I endured was my illusion. I am here today to tell you that I will no longer let us be separated because of life’s circumstances. I am dedicated to reunite and rekindle the connectedness that we once had.  I love you with every fiber of my being. It has been a very painful journey that I chose to take, one that I decided would help me grow. But now, we will journey together to dismantle, piece by piece, all the excess load that no longer serve our divine purpose. 

I love and admire your stamina because you did not curl up and die. You retreated into a caterpillar’s cocoon waiting for the day that I would transform into the lovely and beautiful butterfly that is you. I want to be with you when we fly among the trees, spreading our wings far and wide, enjoying the gentle breeze that lifts our spirit to reach the heavens.

I want us to soar once again as the eagle on the mountain top. I want to see our wings flapping in the wind as we ascend to greater heights. I want to hear your beautiful voice singing so gloriously that I am filled with joy and love. I want to see your wings casting shadows under the moonlight and rising up to the sun to embrace its warmth. Yes, all these things I want for both of us because we deserve them. And I know that now.