August 1, 2016

                                    DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” -Proverbs Chapter 18, Verse 21.

I have often wondered about the paradox of this scripture. I never fully comprehended its true wisdom. However, today, I got a glimpse behind these words. Each time we speak harshly with unkind words to each other we are using the tongue as a weapon that pierces the spirit of the person we are speaking about.  We don’t see physical wounds when we use words, but the harm done is actually more damaging. A spirit wounded by the constant onslaught of unloving words silences the soul and kills dreams, hopes and eventually the body responds.

Let’s Choose Life.

Deuteronomy Chapter 30, Verse 19 says: "I have set before you life and death …therefore choose life that both you and your descendants may live.” When we nourish and nurture each other with love and compassion we create space for a harmonious relationship to exist and expand.

When we are coming from a place of love and compassion—that means seeing and responding to the spirit of a person, rather than their flaws--we would see our sisters and brothers (and ourselves) as made in the image of God. We would see the Divine spark within each other. That spark lights our pathways through the difficult journey of life. That spark beckons us to embrace one another, love and rejoice with each other and see the spirit of love and compassion shining like stars on a very dark night.

I can remember my mother telling me how much she disliked and hated me. My birth was not something she wanted. She disappeared from my life and reappeared when I was 10 years old. Whenever she did not like something she would loudly berate me—to the point where the neighbors would gather around to watch. Her words made me feel like I was not worthy of life and that I would not amount to anything much.

Like many children who have been subjected to this type of harangue, I, at the time, could not comprehend that my mother was projecting her pain unto me. As a result, I was stymied into not speaking up for myself because I doubted anyone would listen to me and I believed that what I had to say had no value. This followed me throughout my primary school years and I would never offer an answer to any questions unless I was called upon by the teacher.

But the Holy Spirit always sends someone to comfort you.  My sixth grade teacher saw my potential, and took me under her wings. Through her tutelage I was able to see my self-worth.  But the scars were very deep, and remained well into adulthood. It started to heal when I became involved in metaphysical work and by constantly working on myself.

As a result of doing introspective work, I realized how important words are. Specifically, how much words of comfort would have been better—for me and for her.

If you are a parent, can you recall the look on your child’s face when he/she showed you his/her report card? If their grades did not meet your standard of excellence, were you harsh or understanding? If the former, can you recall the harsh words that were spoken to that child about not doing better? If you think back, the look of despair on his/her face probably said: “I am not worthy,” “I cannot live up to your expectation,” “I have done my best but it is not good enough for you.” Parents are not perfect. We have all been there and regretted harsh words as soon as they were uttered. Remember: “Death and life is in the power of the tongue.”

Imagine how he/she would feel with words of comfort.  Imagine how those words could elevate instead of traumatize. We can choose life instead of death by thinking first, before we speak. No matter the situation, if anger is the emotion that first appears, take the time to ask yourself: What words can I say to forward this person or this situation? How can I support him/her at this moment?  It’s always our choice to choose to be kind and loving with our words whenever we can instead of putting each other down. This is not easy to do daily. It is a hard road to travel especially when we have also experienced traumatizing moments as children or as adults and we have not done the work to free ourselves.

There are times we choose death with our words instead of life.  When that happens we should have the courage to apologize—to the person we said those words to and to ourselves for projecting our emotional pain onto them. We should also be grateful for the mirror they provided to us at that moment, which allowed that pain to surface. Because at the end of the day, the emotion we are feeling is not about the other person or what he/she did. It is, after all, always about what is already inside of us.